Depending on the degree of emotion, effort, time, and commitment invested, a breakup can be devastating to the persons involved. Some people, especially those who loved much, can resort to self-destruction, because they think life is already meaningless.
If you are one of those who are hopeless about moving on—just because the one you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with is gone—you have to rethink over the situation.
If you let yourself die out of heartbreak, no one would be more ruined than yourself. Your ex may feel guilty for a while, but months or years later s/he would eventually find a new partner (or probably s/he has someone already) and happily move on. They would have all the chance to dream and reach for them together, and you won’t. So, who’s the pathetic one here?
Or you probably think destroying yourself would be the best revenge to get back at your ex—or get your ex back—but it’s actually a foolish tactic, believe me. You only reassure him/her that s/he made the right decision of leaving you. That makes you more pathetic.
Therefore, use your breakup to make yourself better than before. To help you do that, here are 12 wise things you can do:
1. Avoid being alone as much as possible.
Being alone makes you lonely and emotional. You end up reminiscing your past and heartaches. It makes you depressed and unmotivated to do productive things. Therefore, stay with your friends or family as often as you can. If you live alone, maybe you can ask your friends to a sleepover in your place, or you can stay with them.
ALSO READ: 10 Inspirational Tips to Heal a Broken Heart
2. Stop stalking your ex (and the third party, if there was).
The lesser you see your ex, the faster you can move on from that painful separation. Stalking your ex (and his/her new special someone, if there is) on Facebook and by any means would keep you bitter. Seeing him/her/them makes you dwell in grudge, and it keeps you from being positive about your own future. All you could think of is how defeated you are.
ALSO READ: 7 Inspiring Ways to Move On After a Breakup
3. Renovate your place and de-clutter.
If your ex was a frequent visitor to your place, or you filled your room or office with your memorabilia or photos together, then be freed from the torture by renovating your house or workplace. Create a refreshing environment that is free from your memories together. Get rid of the photographs and other stuff that remind you of the past.
4. Have a makeover.
Now that you’re single again, think of it as an opportunity to be a new and different person. Reinvent yourself by changing your wardrobe, sporting a new hairstyle, and unleashing the inhibited part of your personality. Make it a goal that the moment you cross paths with your ex, s/he will see that your breakup has made you look younger and more dashing.
5. Spend more time outdoor and engage in fun physical activities.
Engaging in physical activities like sports can help release happy hormones. Also, being out in the nature can relax your mind and refresh your soul. For these reasons, decide to be involved in more outdoor activities that can help you be released from negative energy and emotions. You can go hiking, swimming, or cycling.
6. Improve at your weaknesses or flaws.
Maybe you blame your flaws for what happened to your relationship. Your ex probably told you it’s all your fault why s/he fell out of love with you. Don’t take it in. You may have your weaknesses, but your ex does too. So, don’t take all the blame. To prove your ex and yourself wrong, strive to overcome your flaws. If you don’t, you would end up being insecure in your next relationship.
7. Enhance your strengths, so you can shine brighter.
What are you good at? Knowing your best qualities will remind you of your worth. Therefore, accentuate your assets by improving them. Don’t just settle being a good worker, but aim to be the best employee. If you are a talented artist, create more remarkable crafts that can impress everyone. This will boost your self-esteem, and no rejection can put you down again.
8. Be competitive at work or school.
The best distraction for heartbreak is career. Busy yourself at school or work, and strive to be more active and responsible. Divert your attention to being productive, so you can forget about your pain. Convert your jealousy and bitterness to a competitive energy that can help you produce excellent outputs. Once you successfully excel in what you do, you feel better about yourself.
9. Focus on being successful.
They say that being successful is the best revenge to those who hurt you. However, I discourage you from making this your motivation. Aim to be successful not for your ex (because s/he might proudly take all the credit), but for yourself and for the loved ones who believe in you. Work hard to achieve your dreams and contribute something good in your field.
10. Create a bucketlist of the things you have always wanted to do.
The more life goals you accomplish, the more you feel fulfilled. Create a bucketlist of activities that you want to experience. Save money and do your best to do them in a certain period of time. For instance, you can list down ziplining, bungee jumping, or travelling abroad.
11. Set SMART goals.
Don’t just dream big dreams, but make sure you accomplish them. Your goals should be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bounded). This will help you focus on what you really want to achieve, and be guided in the process so you can take the right steps toward them.
For example, don’t just dream of becoming a doctor, but consider first if you have all the means to make it real. Write down what kind of doctor you want to be; how you’re going to pay for the tuition; and how many years should it take you to finish.
12. Be the best, because you want to end up with the best partner.
Opposites may attract, but when you’re thinking about settling down, practicality and like-mindedness matter more. At the end, you choose a person who shares the same principles with you. Usually, professionals attract professionals. Entrepreneurs attract entrepreneurs. Artists attract artists.
Whatever you are, you surely want to attract the best person that fits your ideals and standards. To do this, you need to live your own standards first. You can’t desire for a responsible person, while you don’t care about your irresponsibility.
Be better, not bitter
Breakup is not the end of the world. Who knows? Your pain right now could actually lead you to a better world and to a better person. It’s easier said than done, but moving on can be a beautiful process—only if you see it in a positive way.
Photo by Kasuma