Just coming from a bad breakup? Yeah, it’s not easy and there is no shortcut to making the pain go away soon. However, it won’t last forever. Soon you will move on and there is no looking back. And trust me if I say you’ll end up a better person if you handle this situation properly.
A failed relationship can cause self-doubt, a feeling of worthlessness, and fear of loving again. People involved in breakups, especially those who were left behind, think they couldn’t get over it and live without their ex. Nevertheless, after months of being on their own, they realized they were wrong.
The Post-Breakup Syndrome
How do you know if you are going through the normal process of overcoming a breakup? Well, you simply experience all or some of the following:
• You can’t sleep nor eat for the first one or two weeks.
• You either lose or gain weight.
• You’re checking your phone every 5 minutes hoping your ex sent you a message.
• You’re asking yourself what you’ve done wrong.
• You think if only you were more beautiful or handsome, then your ex couldn’t have left you.
• Your thoughts are fighting whether you should erase your photos together.
• You remember your ex in every corner of your house, street, or basically everywhere.
These are normal reactions of a normal person in heartbreak, so don’t be afraid of what you’re going through. They will be over soon.
How to Move On After a Breakup
To help you cope up with a breakup better, here are some ways that may inspire you to move on.
1. Fight for your love until you get tired.
This sounds stupid, foolish, and pathetic, but actually, it can help you move forward without regrets. If you truly love someone, you fight for him/her even if there’s no chance of winning—at least you’ve done your part. This way, you can move on without asking ‘what if’s or thinking ‘if only’s.
Also, once you get tired from fighting for someone who doesn’t want to come back, moving on becomes easier simply because you get tired of it and the person.
2. Stop being sentimental.
Throw anything that can remind you of the past. It is not easy to do, but trust me, it will help lighten up your load. If you cannot let go of keepsakes, it means you are still holding on. However, if you know it’s pointless to hold on, then be brave enough to burn all the false hopes. Memories cannot bring back what’s gone.
Unless s/he asked you to, don’t return the stuff given to you. They’re already yours. If you do it, your ex would be compelled to return what you gave him/her as well—and seeing those things won’t do you any good. If seeing the stuff you shared with each other or you received brings back memories, then just burn or throw them away.
3. Don’t be clingy.
If what you want is your ex crawling back to you, then stop being clingy. Humans always want to play hard to get. However, when they find out that the one who likes them has stopped running after them, they wonder why and pursue that person.
Well, this is also good for moving on after breakup though, especially if you don’t want to try the first suggestion. At least, with this, you save your pride and stop hoping.
4. Use this as a motivation to be the best version of yourself.
This is very common among heartbroken people, but mind you, this is really the best part. Aim higher goals for yourself. Shake off your frustrations and be ambitious. Strive to be perfect—this may be not possible—but the pressure can help you correct as many flaws as possible.
Just advice though: don’t do this because you want your ex to get back to you. Instead, do this because you have realized you don’t deserve to be dumped by just anyone, and you deserve the best because you are the best.
5. Meet new and people, and make more friends.
Meeting new people and making friends will give you an opportunity to find a better person and forget about your ex. I’m not saying you look for a rebound. Before you enter a new relationship, make sure you have moved on completely, so there will be no inhibitions. Nevertheless, it’s not bad to be surrounded by a lot of friends. Their company will help keep you from loneliness.
6. Be career-oriented.
Being single gives you an opportunity to focus on your dreams and improve your career. Love can’t keep you alive when you and your kids get hungry in the future. So, strive to be an independent, stable career person. This can help improve your self-worth, and even if you get brokenhearted again, it would still be intact.
Also, being busy in your career after a breakup can distract you from reminiscing the past. Without your notice, months have passed by already, and you realize you’ve moved on.
7. Find a new environment.
Do this only if after months following breakup, you still can’t function normally and you’re too depressed. If your current workplace or neighborhood reminds you a lot of your failed relationship, especially if your ex is just around the corner, then moving to a new place is not that bad. You can decide to change the environment and begin anew. A fresh start can help you regain direction for yourself.
How to Deal with a Breakup
Most breakups can easily change a person’s life – and not for the better. Sometimes, people who suffer from this type of heartbreak cope by either shutting themselves off from the world or losing their confidence and trust in themselves and in others.
Indeed, a breakup can cause irreversible damage to anyone and this article will help you figure out the smart ways to deal with this negative life event.
1. Don’t make decisions right away.
It’s not a wise move to make big decisions if you’re still too affected and emotional about everything that happened. Most people tend to fall into this mistake and often suffer more tragic and equally heartbreaking consequences after.
It can be comforting to think that your immediate response like leaving, going away or even burning bridges is a sign that you can easily move on, but you’re just hurting yourself more.
2. Give yourself time to calm down.
As part of the process of dealing with a breakup, the next step that you should take is to give yourself the time and space to calm down. First of all, you have to learn how to get rid of all the negative and unnecessary emotional baggage that you just could not let go of.
Anger and bitterness are examples of these unhealthy emotions that can triple the weight of the emotional burden, so try to let these toxic feelings go before it’s too late.
3. Tell yourself that it’s okay not to be totally okay.
Some people who are experiencing the emotional and psychological aftermath of a breakup think that staying strong means not admitting that they are not okay. This sense of denial that they’re unaffected and that they should not feel hurt can do more harm than good. Suppressing these emotions can cause long-term effects, and it’s just a matter of time until you explode.
Tell yourself that it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Tell yourself that it’s okay to cry, to be vulnerable, and to admit that you’re weak. It’s a part of the process.
4. Surround yourself with the right support system.
It’s important that you know the right people to trust especially during the hardest stages of a breakup. Be with friends who are willing to listen to your story, and be with people who genuinely want the best for you. Remember that while others can be supportive, some will remind you of the reality that you have to face after the breakup.
Some pieces of advice can be inspiring while some can be blunt and can make the pain worse. Learn from all of them but make sure that you make the decisions on your own.
5. Find activities that will make you feel good about yourself.
Once you think that you’re finally ready to get out and live your life again, it’s time to do something fun and positive. How?
Plan some activities, interactions, or engagements that will make you feel good about yourself. Learn a new hobby, go to the salon, travel to a nice destination, meet new people, go dancing – anything that will remind you that life can still be fun even if you’re not in a relationship.
6. Learn and practice self-love – and don’t be guilty about it.
It’s true especially if you’ve given everything and every part of you in that relationship only to lose yourself in the process. This exhaustion can make you feel less confident, uninspired, bored and even unwilling to try new things, so it’s important to know where you can get that emotional refill and confidence boost.
After a breakup, you have to give yourself enough time to heal and restore what you have lost especially if the relationship you had made you give up other aspects of your life. Once you’re finally ready to face the world again, your focus should shift to your social and professional life. Why?
Achievements in your career can give you more reasons to look at life more positively especially after all the negative emotions that you’ve suffered from. Social interactions, on the other hand, can help you get your confidence back.
8. Don’t be in a rush to be in a new relationship.
Most people think that the only way to move on is to be in a new relationship. While this is the most common remedy for heartbreak, it’s a faulty one. Why?
Before entering into a new relationship, you have to make sure that you’re emotionally available. It’s also important that you’re no longer carrying the same emotional baggage that has burdened you while still dealing with your previous breakup. Aside from the fact that it’s unfair to the other person, it can be one of the reasons why this new relationship might not last long.
9. Enjoy your freedom and learn to celebrate being single.
Being single can be the most liberating stage in one’s life, especially after a terrible breakup. It’s the time when you can finally love yourself more. Moreover, not being in a commitment will give you the opportunity to be the best version of yourself and to grow as a person.
While a breakup can be devastating, it’s not going to end the world – unless you allow it to. Remember, the first person who can help you put your life back together is yourself.
Hopefully, these smart ways to deal with a breakup will help you find your way back to a happy, satisfying, and fulfilled life. Good luck!
12 Wise Things to Do After a Painful Breakup
Depending on the degree of emotion, effort, time, and commitment invested, a breakup can be devastating to the persons involved. Some people, especially those who loved much, can resort to self-destruction because they think life is already meaningless.
If you are one of those who are hopeless about moving on—just because the one you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with is gone—you have to rethink the situation.
If you let yourself die out of heartbreak, no one would be more ruined than yourself. Your ex may feel guilty for a while, but months or years later s/he would eventually find a new partner (or probably s/he has someone already) and happily move on. They would have all the chance to dream and reach for them together, and you won’t. So, who’s the pathetic one here?
Or you probably think destroying yourself would be the best revenge to get back at your ex—or get your ex back— but it’s actually a foolish tactic, believe me. You only reassure him/her that s/he made the right decision of leaving you. That makes you more pathetic.
Therefore, use your breakup to make yourself better than before. To help you do that, here are 12 wise things you can do:
1. Avoid being alone as much as possible.
Being alone makes you lonely and emotional. You end up reminiscing about your past and heartaches. It makes you depressed and unmotivated to do productive things. Therefore, stay with your friends or family as often as you can. If you live alone, maybe you can ask your friends for a sleepover in your place, or you can stay with them.
2. Stop stalking your ex (and the third party, if there was).
The lesser you see your ex, the faster you can move on from that painful separation. Stalking your ex (and his/her new special someone, if there is) on Facebook and by any means would keep you bitter. Seeing him/her/them makes you dwell in a grudge, and it keeps you from being positive about your own future. All you could think of is how defeated you are.
3. Renovate your place and de-clutter.
If your ex was a frequent visitor to your place, or you filled your room or office with your memorabilia or photos together, then be freed from the torture by renovating your house or workplace. Create a refreshing environment that is free from your memories together. Get rid of the photographs and other stuff that remind you of the past.
4. Have a makeover.
Now that you’re single again, think of it as an opportunity to be a new and different person. Reinvent yourself by changing your wardrobe, sporting a new hairstyle, and unleashing the inhibited part of your personality. Make it a goal that the moment you cross paths with your ex, s/he will see that your breakup has made you look younger and more dashing.
5. Spend more time outdoor and engage in fun physical activities.
Engaging in physical activities like sports can help release happy hormones. Also, being out in nature can relax your mind and refresh your soul. For these reasons, decide to be involved in more outdoor activities that can help you be released from negative energy and emotions. You can go hiking, swimming, or cycling.
6. Improve your weaknesses or flaws.
Maybe you blame your flaws for what happened to your relationship. Your ex probably told you it’s all your fault why s/he fell out of love with you. Don’t take it in. You may have your weaknesses, but your ex does too. So, don’t take all the blame. To prove your ex and yourself wrong, strive to overcome your flaws. If you don’t, you would end up being insecure in your next relationship.
7. Enhance your strengths, so you can shine brighter.
What are you good at? Knowing your best qualities will remind you of your worth. Therefore, accentuate your assets by improving them. Don’t just settle for being a good worker, but aim to be the best employee. If you are a talented artist, create more remarkable crafts that can impress everyone. This will boost your self-esteem, and no rejection can put you down again.
8. Be competitive at work or school.
The best distraction for heartbreak is a career. Busy yourself at school or work, and strive to be more active and responsible. Divert your attention to being productive, so you can forget about your pain. Convert your jealousy and bitterness to competitive energy that can help you produce excellent outputs. Once you successfully excel in what you do, you feel better about yourself.
9. Focus on being successful.
They say that being successful is the best revenge for those who hurt you. However, I discourage you from making this your motivation. Aim to be successful not for your ex (because s/he might proudly take all the credit), but for yourself and for the loved ones who believe in you. Work hard to achieve your dreams and contribute something good in your field.
10. Create a bucket list of the things you have always wanted to do.
The more life goals you accomplish, the more you feel fulfilled. Create a bucket list of activities that you want to experience. Save money and do your best to do them in a certain period of time. For instance, you can list down ziplining, bungee jumping, or traveling abroad.
11. Set SMART goals.
Don’t just dream big dreams, but make sure you accomplish them. Your goals should be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bounded). This will help you focus on what you really want to achieve, and be guided in the process so you can take the right steps toward them.
For example, don’t just dream of becoming a doctor, but consider first if you have all the means to make it real. Write down what kind of doctor you want to be; how you’re going to pay for the tuition; and how many years should it take you to finish.
12. Be the best, because you want to end up with the best partner.
Opposites may attract, but when you’re thinking about settling down, practicality and like-mindedness matter more. In the end, you choose a person who shares the same principles with you. Usually, professionals attract professionals. Entrepreneurs attract entrepreneurs. Artists attract artists.
Whatever you are, you surely want to attract the best person that fits your ideals and standards. To do this, you need to live by your own standards first. You can’t desire for a responsible person, while you don’t care about your irresponsibility.
Be better, not bitter
Breakup is not the end of the world. Who knows? Your pain right now could actually lead you to a better world and to a better person. It’s easier said than done, but moving on can be a beautiful process—only if you see it in a positive way.
How to Heal a Broken Heart After a Breakup
Regardless of your relationship lasted for years or even just a few months, the moving on process is almost the same: difficult.
This is because you are like starting from scratch again. You’re back to square one, and after spending time becoming dependent on a partner, you are once again left to fend on your own, with only yourself to lean on.
It is true that time heals all wounds, including the ones endured by your heart after the breakup. But how do you deal with it?
Below are 7 ways you can do to help heal a broken heart after a breakup:
1. Get rid of all the things that remind you of your previous relationship.
After a breakup, you need to clean things up. You may want to get rid of the pictures, presents, and everything else that will remind you of your relationship. This is not because you are bitter and angry, but because you need to start with a clean slate. You owe it to yourself to face life anew, to welcome a brighter future without your partner by your side, and the memories will only pull you back from enjoying these opportunities.
People might say that you are being immature for trying to remove everything that reminded you of your relationship, but you’re the one who needs to heal, not them.
ALSO READ: 100 Tips on How to Move on after a Breakup
2. Cry it out.
It is not healthy to keep your emotions to yourself when enduring a breakup. This is mainly because your anger and frustrations will be only thrown towards someone or something that has nothing to do with what you are going through.
Hence, one of the first things to do after a breakup is to cry. Let it out. Vent your feelings and set them free. It is also advisable that you do this with a friend or a family member, or someone who can listen and attend to you during this very emotional moment so that you won’t resort to doing anything that may inflict harm.
3. Spend time with people that matter to you the most.
After a breakup, you will surely feel alone and left out. This is not the case, however. You just need to be in the company of people who matter the most. Why not go home, visit your parents, or spend time with your siblings? It may also help to invite some of your closest friends and have some fun time together, like a movie marathon or house party? These events help because they not only keep you preoccupied; you are assured that you are with the people who care for you no matter what you are going through.
4. Go out.
In this context, going out means go for a walk to the park, a morning jog, or bike around the city. Physical activity helps a lot because they make the body release endorphins, the hormone that makes you feel happy. The more endorphins released by your system, the less stressed you feel, and you likewise forget about the sadness at least for a few hours during the day.
Going out also makes you see the wonders and atrocities of the world. These include the trees and flowers blooming, and the heavy traffic in the city streets. These things remind you that the world hasn’t stopped just because your relationship ended and that there’s a lot more in store for you –if you start moving forward.
Aside from taking strolls in the park or jogging during weekends, it may also help to travel. Go out of town, spend a few days at a beach or go on a hike. Traveling is always a recommended remedy to heal a broken heart due to various reasons. Apart from re-learning the ropes of being single you also re-establish a sense of independence that you thought you have lost after being in a relationship. You also get to learn from other people and other cultures, as to how they are living their everyday lives with fun and fulfillment.
It is also when traveling when you meet new people, and with them, you can make new friends that you can make nice memories with.
6. Focus on doing things you are good at.
When you are not into traveling or going out, then it might help to do things that you love to do, or aspire to be good at. Why not take a cooking class, or immerse yourself in art. Some people take music lessons where they learn to play the piano, guitar, or violin.
The reason behind this is because you have to keep your mind and heart preoccupied. You cannot just accommodate the negativity just because you are going through the post-breakup trauma. Instead of savoring the pain, it would be better to make yourself productive. By establishing a sense of achievement with a hobby or acquired learning, you also boost your confidence and self-worth.
At the end of the day during your post-breakup phase, you will feel alone and vulnerable. You will feel sad and lonely. But these moments cannot be avoided, so rather than embracing the pain, why not meditate and pray?
Let your mind rest by taking some quiet time. Say a prayer to God and if you feel like things are too heavy for you to bear, ask Him to lessen the burden. After all, He won’t give you something that you cannot overcome.
The pain brought by a broken heart is normal. This is because you have lost someone that truly meant to you, no matter how long or short the time you two have spent together. But always remember that there’s life ahead of you and that you have to seize it. It’s only a matter of time before you find yourself whole again, and ready to find love anew.
You have the control
Yes, a breakup can be hard and painful. However, it is a normal part of life. As much as possible, don’t let it destroy you. Don’t let your emotions dictate how you should live your life because you could expect your decisions to be irrational. It must be mind over matter.
After a breakup, try to live a normal life. Don’t try anything self-destructive like drugs or suicide. Surround yourself with people who can encourage you. Give your best at school or at work. Look at the bright side of life always. With the right attitude, you can move on without being too broken.
Online courses recommended for you:
- Relationship Coaching: Transform Problems into Growth & Love:
Develop true love & greater intimacy & a relationship growth mindset, stop destructive conflicts, find meaning & purpose.
- Love & Connection: The Science of Successful Relationships:
This course will show you how to examine the unknown path that you’ll travel with your spouse, and carefully evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship.
Books recommended for you:
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Image source: Antranias